A Woman Shared Her Epic Fart Story On Facebook And It’ll Give You Secondhand Embarrassment

In the ruins of Pompeii, among crumbling walls charred, centuries ago, by the heat of Vesuvius, archaeologists found the remnants of ancient graffiti. Here are some of the age-old etches that beckon us, lyrically, from past:. One suspects the messages might have read a tad differently in the original Latin—rare is the graffiti artist who prefaces his commentary with “please”—but you get the idea: The scatological, the stuff of defecation and hairy privates, has an extremely long, if not an extremely proud, history. It’s turds all the way down , basically, and that’s especially true when it comes to humor. Approximately 65 percent of Shakespeare’s poetry features phallic puns. The topic of the world’s oldest joke, dating from BC? Yep: farts. There’s an obvious reason for all this, and only part of it has to do with the fact that farting can be funny.

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Go to Page Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members – it’s free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. At my Episcopal Church, we have any number of elderly ladies. Several years ago, one of them was having chronic health problems Yes, I know that’s not funny at all , but she made it to church every Sunday morning and sat in the same pew without fail. A friend of mine, a circuit judge and a very dignified man, came into church a few minutes late, and sat down in the first place he could find by the elderly woman I mentioned.

Turns out you can uh breathe out a fart if you hold it in for too long. All of us, except that weird and rare subset of humanity who love to rip them Whether it be because you’re on a date, you’re in front of “polite” company, before you file a story, we’ve all felt that bloating, sometimes painful, discomfort.

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The World Is Flatulence: The Enduring Appeal of the Tasteless

Why do we fart? Farts are gross , yet occasionally funny , and ultimately an inevitable part of family life. Although farting might seem uncouth, the scientific consensus is that farts are nothing to worry over, and couples should neither shy away from nor feel ashamed of passing gas in front of each other. In fact, holding in farts might be an unhealthy practice, and it can definitely be an unsavory one — trapped intestinal gas can be reabsorbed into the bloodstream only to reemerge as bad breath.

Farts may not be a sign of good manners, but they are a symptom of good gut bacteria and a healthy diet.

A sweet, funny story about accepting yourself and finding a friend who loves you just the way you are. Mostly, though, it’s about a fart. And fart jokes. Loooots of fart​.

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No One Likes a Fart

British Broadcasting Corporation Home. Breaking news about breaking wind: the world’s oldest joke is a one-liner about flatulence, researchers say. Academics have compiled a list of the most ancient gags and the oldest, harking back to BC, is a Sumerian proverb from what is now southern Iraq. Randy pharaohs, thirsty ox-drivers and barbers also feature in the list.

A sweet, funny story about accepting yourself and finding a friend who loves you just the way you are. Mostly, though, it’s about a fart. And fart jokes. Loooots of.

Skip navigation! Story from Sex. In all the discussion about college hookup culture , something people miss is that sex can actually be… funny. And there are no maids around to clean up your mess or fix your post-sex hair, either. Of course, this year, many schools are struggling to figure out their reopening plans amid the pandemic. And those of us with funny college sex stories in our pasts may be looking back with a little nostalgia, feeling almost sorry for the incoming students who won’t be able to make their own awkward sex memories.

Remember, awkward sex can be hot, too. Sex is hot, pleasurable, dirty, awkward, and funny all at the same time. Whether you spill lube everywhere , have sex in a bunk bed and hit your head on the ceiling, or accidentally fart mid-coitus, go ahead and laugh. Funny sex can be great, and even if you’re embarrassed in the moment, it will make for a good story later on.

This Story About 1 Husband’s Reaction to His Wife’s Fart Is a Metaphor For Marriage, Maybe?

All of us, except that weird and rare subset of humanity who love to rip them publicly, has held in a fart for an uncomfortable amount of time—hell, some of you are probably holding one in right now. But is it unhealthy? This is something Clare Collins , a professor of nutrition and dietetics in the School of Health Sciences at the University of Newcastle, Australia wondered as well. Collins told VICE that she first looked into the effects of holding in your butt breath after she was doing a radio interview and a caller asked her about it.

In the article, Collins explores everything you could want to know about the phenomenon that turns your bum into a trumpet.

After the third date or so I screwed up enough courage to ask the cousin how he thought I was What would sound funny and fluent? Loud and clear with absolutely no stuttering, “HELLO, FART FACE. The story is now told as a joke.

And considering how bad your farts can smell sometimes just admit it , that hydrogen sulfide is some pretty strong stuff! Certain foods make your farts smell worse than others. When you eat sulfur rich foods like eggs and meat , your farts will smell worse because that food breaks down and creates hydrogen sulfide, AKA, rotten egg gas. Women’s farts smell worse than men’s. As hard as it is to believe, it’s true. You probably don’t fart as much as you think you do.

We Asked an Expert How Long You Can Safely Hold in a Fart

I’m pretty comfortable with farts – my family used to go on long road trips in a cramped van in which I sat sandwiched between my brother and male cousin. When I was dating my now-husband, I was certainly diligent about keeping my own gastrointestinal experiences to myself, but once we got married, and certainly once we had kids, I really eased up.

My husband? Not so much. So, when Jessica Johnston, a mom to four kids, wrote about how her own husband “is really dramatic about farting,” I felt seen.

When I first start dating someone, I’ll leave the room to fart. However, once At least, we got a funny story out of that awkward moment. And I’m totally okay with.

First kiss, first date, first I love you : we’re made to believe that actual fireworks will ignite as we reach certain milestones in our romantic relationships. In reality, there are smaller, unspoken moments that bond you with your partner more intimately than those hallmark milestones ever do. For example: the first fart. I was surprised at how close I felt to my ex after he scurried over to me and farted against my leg.

No, I wouldn’t request this act of intimacy frequently, like I would a big bear hug after a long day at work — but something about it told me we had reached a new level in our relationship. To shed more light on this under-discussed milestone, I asked some guys and gals about the first time they let one slip in front of their partner and what sort of lasting trace it left on their relationship. I gagged while I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, and as a reflex I farted.

He was lying on the bed and I was on top of him on all fours, and suddenly I farted and there was this moment, frozen in time, where I stopped and he looked up at me. We both started laughing and after a while he told me to keep doing what I was doing — no need to let a little fart ruin a perfectly good BJ. It could have been awkward, but his laughter made it OK. I would say it brought us closer, although I still hold my farts in as much as possible.

Best to keep the blowing to one end at a time. I was staying at my girlfriend’s parents’ house for the weekend and we were lying on her couch in the basement.

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This woman was about to fart on her first date. But what followed is priceless. The Hague, The Netherlands. I don’t always fart at my desk but when I do, everyone wants to come talk to me.

history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. INTS Hilarious Short Stories: The Fart that (Almost) Altered My Destiny.

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself. People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. In this video we explore the difference stages of farting with your significant other.

What Marriage Experts Think About Couples Who Fart In Front Of Each Other

As the stink grew, you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving two loaves of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale. Tall, beautiful women fart.

fart | B people have watched this. Watch short videos about #fart on TikTok.

I have been married to my husband for 16 years. I have never. I had my kids by c-section, and I was very gassy for a few days. I would ask him to leave the room. I would tell him, I needed a drink or something so he would leave. Do it asap! Sooner or later, he will find out.

You’re beautiful, even if you fart in Trader Joe’s

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. And, if it makes his eyes burn. It was about five years ago.

These lines could seriously damage your dating success and love life you’ve been warned! Love them or hate them, these funny chat up lines could seriously damage your dating success and “Did you fart? Share your great story here!

Flatulence humour or flatulence humor refers to any type of joke , practical joke device , or other off-color humor related to flatulence. Although it is likely that flatulence humor has long been considered funny in cultures that consider the public passing of gas impolite, such jokes are rarely recorded. Two important early texts are the 5th century BC plays The Knights and The Clouds , both by Aristophanes , which contain numerous fart jokes.

At once he bubbled up the ghost, and there was an end to that shadow of a life…The last words he was heard to speak in this world were these. When he had made a great noise with that end of him which talked easiest, he cried out, “Oh dear, oh dear! I think I have made a mess of myself. He later explains he got to the afterlife with a quote from Homer :. Archeologist Warwick Ball asserts that the Roman Emperor Elagabulus played practical jokes on his guests, employing a whoopee cushion -like device at dinner parties.

In the translated version of Penguin’s Arabian Nights Tales , a story entitled “The Historic Fart” tells of a man who flees his country from the sheer embarrassment of farting at his wedding, only to return ten years later to discover that his fart had become so famous, that people used the anniversary of its occurrence to date other events.

MY EMBARRASSING FARTING STORIES…